Social stress and the sense of belonging

Social stress is a common stressor and arises when you worry about what others may think of you, and when you fear you may be excluded from a social group to which you belong (family, friends, colleagues). Social stress is diverse, and needs solutions that are tailored to each unique situation.

What is social stress precisely

In humans, social stress is the most common form of stress, as most stress is of psychosocial nature (through interactions with other people) and not so much of physiological nature (pain, illness, temperature, etc.). In the context of the current article, we take a somewhat narrow approach. We define social stress as a situation which threatens one’s relationships with others, esteem, or sense of belonging within a couple, a group (family members, friends or colleagues), or even in larger social contexts (community, ethnicity).

Most human beings want to belong to a group. This can vary from being involved in a romantic relationship to having strong family ties, or being part of a large group of friends or like-minded individuals. The threat of losing this sense of belonging is what social stress is in essence about.

Sources of social stress

Sources of social stress are manifold, and can be grouped in several categories:

• Difficult social interactions within couples, between family members, friends or colleagues. Think of marital problems, conflicts between brothers and sisters in their various forms, conflicts at work.
• Circumstances in which others will judge or criticize you. Public speaking or presenting a new product go for instance in this category. This may particularly be a problem for you if you are worried by how others may see you. Being concerned with the perception of you by others is also known as social anxiety.
• At times, these circumstances where others judge you are related to your low position within a group or community. This especially applies to work-related situations. Being in a low position means that you will be dependent for your salary and job stability on your manager. You will have less control over your work and are at high risk for developing stress. You may not feel appreciated by the manager and colleagues, which leads to social stress.
• Contexts in which you may feel ignored, rejected or isolated. This can happen to children at school for example if they don’t find their place among the other children. Or if you have ideas that differ from those that are being held by members of a group of friends. The sense of needing to belong to a group is strong in humans, and being rejected, and therefore becoming isolated, is a strong stressor.

Symptoms of social stress

As you may have expected, social stress can lead to the typical stress-related symptoms that we have described in an earlier article. These symptoms and reactions within the body are caused by activation of the sympathetic nervous system and the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis (HPA axis) that lead to the secretion of the stress hormones adrenaline (or epinephrine) and cortisol into the bloodstream. A pounding heart is an example of a symptom of stress, which is caused by adrenaline.

Social stress has furthermore strong effects on mood. For example, social stress can cause increases in negative affect, basically expressed by negative emotions such as sadness, disgust, lethargy, fear and anxiety, and distress. These emotions can further include shame and embarrassment when social stress is elicited in conditions where others will judge or criticize you.

In severe cases of difficult interactions, for example when parents neglect their children, pathological forms of psychological distress can occur. Posttraumatic stress disorder is an example of this.

As with any form of stress, acute and chronic social stress will have different effects on wellbeing and health. Delivering a speech can be stressful, but the stress will disappear once you have finished your performance. Adrenaline and cortisol levels in your blood will be high for a short period of time only, and this will not have negative consequences on your health. The same applies to short instances of conflict or rejection by others in a group. They are stressful for a relatively brief moment, but recovery is quick.

Chronic social stress can have serious implications for your health. If social stressors are experienced repeatedly or constantly, the stress reactions in the body will be constantly called upon. This can have negative health consequences. For example, your immune system may no longer function as it should, making you more vulnerable to disease. If you already have a chronic disease, then chronic social stress can accelerate the progression of the disease.

Social stress can leave its marks for a long period of time, especially when social stress has been experienced during childhood. Due to changes in the expression of certain genes (bits of DNA that encode for proteins such as certain hormones in the brain), early life social stress influences how you will respond to stressful situations during adulthood. You will either become over-reactive with exaggerated stress responses, or under-reactive so that you cannot launch a good and useful stress response anymore when needed. Furthermore, the conditions in which you live, reflected by socioeconomic factors (poor or rich area, ethnicity, community) can influence the risk for both physical and mental health problems.

How to cope with social stress

Dealing with social stress requires an accurate strategy that can serve two purposes. The first is to look for renewed acceptance by the group you felt ignored or judged negatively by. The second is to deal with your stress and negative emotions, so that you can stand social stress much better and will not be affected by it.

The way people cope with social stress differs from person to person. People who are vulnerable to chronic stress tend to adopt passive coping strategies. They will likely blame or avoid others. More resilient people will be more active to deal with social stress. Active copers have a few personality characteristics that help them on their way to deal with social stress:

• They are in general optimistic. Having an optimistic outlook on things protects against negative emotions.
• They have a sense of purpose in their lives, work, or relationships with others. They tend to know why they want to be engaged in relationships and where these relationships may bring them. This is not to say that they are calculating persons, consciously weighing the pros and cons of a social relationship. It means that having a sense of purpose keeps you consistent in what you are doing and on track when problems arise.
• They use problem focused coping strategies. They are good at identifying the origin of their social stress and finding a solution on the basis of this.
• The personal traits help them to cope actively with social stress. In general, they will:
• Try to create a sense of logic and consistency in their lives or in the communities they are active in.
• Exercise self-control. This reflects emotional stability, and they may not fall prey so easily to lasting negative emotions.
• Develop a strong sense of personal identity. Knowing who you are, what you want, where you are going all help to keep you stable. For example, based on your own ideas and beliefs you may decide not to be a member of a group anymore if the group members stand for things that are against your beliefs. Leaving a relationship can at times be a solution for social stress.
• Maintain a realistic perception of social stress. Resilient people will be able to evaluate the situation that has led to social stress. They can assess whether the situation may lead to a disruption of a relationship or not, and how bad that would be if it would happen.

Generally speaking, active coping strategies offer more possibilities to relieve social stress. However, passive coping can also have its merits. At times it may be better to let things calm down. Problems may pass by themselves, or lose their importance. In that case, there is no need to put effort into dealing with social stress and you can focus on other things that are more pleasurable.

Actionable tips for dealing with social stress

When suffering from social stress, there are several things both passive and active copers can do. As social stress comes in different forms, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, but there are a few strategies that apply to any social stress situation:

• Look for social support. Being in a difficult relationship with someone or with a group does not mean that you will have a difficult relationship with others. If you are faced with social stress, try to find social support to deal with it. Talking with friends, family members or colleagues you trust helps to reduce stress, even if these persons do not have an immediate solution. This is because you will be engaging you socially, and this has a stress-buffering effect. And with a bit of luck you find somebody who can really help you out!
• Discuss with the person or persons you have a problem with from your own perspective. Start with an observation that you have made during the relationship, and then say what effect this has on you: “I have seen that you start joking right away when I try to bring my point forward, and this gives me the feeling that you do not take my ideas seriously”. This way of discussing does not provoke a direct accusation of the other. It is “soft” on the person, but “hard” on the content. Your interlocutor will not feel offended and will be more open to discuss the problem at hand.
• Sometimes it is better to leave. If your opinions and beliefs are miles apart from the predominant ones in the group, then you may consider leaving the group and join another one. You may want to stick to your beliefs, and not pretend that you think the same as the others just to stay in the group.
• Know when a conflict is bad and when it is not. You may not get stressed if you realize that what seems like a conflict is in fact an animated discussion about the progress of a new product or service. At times, discussion can get overheated, but in the end everybody wants the same thing: a good product that helps to bring the company forward.
• Perform relaxation techniques to reduce your stress level. Think of breathing exercises, yoga and mindfulness. Or just do something that you like to distract yourself from the problem that has led to social stress.

These are but a few strategies that you may adopt to deal with social stress. We will give more solutions to reduce stress in the Stressinsight membership area.